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Maybe our minds were twisted partly by not wanting to be
bound by the rules of the seemingly gutless community we
grew up in. Over the years, my regret has grown as I reflect on
 Just as I want happiness, don t want suffering, so these others
want happiness, don t want suffering. Just as my friend and
I worry about each other, hope that we succeed in our various
paths, and so forth, so, in a former lifetime, that old lady
defenseless, alone, wanting happiness, not wanting sorrow,
out on the road, no one to help her was my best of friends,
and here in this lifetime we have ended up in this perverted
relationship. Isn t it sad!
Certain deeds are like coming to a fork in the road. After
the deed is done, you remain someone who went down one
fork rather than the other; the deed retains power over you. If
the deed is nonvirtuous, disclosure and contrition are ways of
reducing that power. We cannot undo the past; it is over and
done with; but it is possible either to reinforce or to alleviate
the force of past actions. That s why disclosure and contrition
are powerful.
awareness of death 77
3. Intention of Restraint in the Future
If guilt means extending worry about what you have done,
then it does not help. Buddhism stresses not guilt but contrition
followed by developing an intention of restraint in the future.
Simply put, you decide that you have done something wrong
and then promise not to do it again. Sometimes, some tangible
restitution is possible; for example, you can pay damages or
return stolen property. But often, the action is over and done
with. For instance, if you buy something that does not work,
you can return it to the store. But, if you misuse time itself, no
matter how much you may regret doing so, you cannot return
it. All that is left is an intelligent decision to face what has been
done and make a commitment to break the cycle. In medita-
tion, contemplate:  This action was motivated by desire (or
hatred) and ignorance; it was wrong, and I do not want to do
it again in the future. May I not do it again in the future! I
will make sure not to do it again in the future.
It is a great relief to feel:  Ten years ago I quarreled with so-
and-so. It seemed to be the only thing I could do at the time,
but with what I know now, I would not do the same today. I
will try never to do that again!
4. Virtuous Activity
A final way to reinforce disclosure, contrition, and the inten-
tion not to repeat the action is to engage in a virtuous activ-
ity, such as giving to a charity, giving to beggars, reading pro-
found texts, and so forth, with a deliberate sense that this activ-
ity serves as an antidote to what was done earlier.
78 a truthful heart
Death is definite. The time of death is indefinite, uncertain: you
could die at any time. So make use of this precious opportunity
to do what s worthwhile in the long run. Do the meditations
described in this chapter if only for five or ten minutes a day:
disclosure of nonvirtues, contrition for having done them, and
intention not to repeat them as well as doing a virtuous activ-
ity to undermine their force. We need to be reminded of such
things because we re habituated in a different direction. If we
were really as sensible as we pretend to be, then we d just have
to hear something sensible and it would all fall into place. But
it ain t that easy. Meditation is needed.
5
Facing Horror
^0000@200006
ince compassion is the wish that beings be free from
pain and the causes of pain, it is important to recognize
Show much our own life and others lives revolve around
feelings. Pleasure, pain, and neutral feelings are emphasized in
Buddhist presentations because feelings are so crucial to how
we react to persons and events. To generate deep compassion
it is necessary to remove barriers to recognizing how strongly
our minds are buffeted by feelings.
There are descriptions in Buddhist texts of hells that are tem-
porarily created by a person s own former actions. There is
one I particularly dislike in which you are laid out on a table
with many other people and someone comes along and draws
lines across you. He/she draws many black lines eight, six-
teen, thirty-two and then takes a saw made of burning iron
and cuts your body along the lines. What is the purpose of
this description? Is it to cause us to wince? (I am wincing, as
I am sure you are.) It is, first of all, to draw out the predis-
positions to fear that we already have and, second, to give a
80 a truthful heart
sense of possible situations of pain. It might seem as though
Buddhist teachers are saying,  You have to join our group and
pay an entrance fee, because otherwise you will go to hell. But
they are not saying this at all; they are pointing out a condi-
tion within cyclic existence, also a condition within the mind. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]